How To Cut Neji's Hair
by FlyPandaBear
Summary: Everyone despartly tries to cut Neji's hair, but this Jounin is not about to give up on his hair when he's come so far! Will his 'friends' succeed in giving him his first haircut?
1. Shino's pissed

**The girls [and some of the boys] desperatly try to cut Neji's hair. But this Jounin is _not _about to give up on his waist-length hair.**

"Do you see him, Hinata?"

"No, not yet. He must know already."

"But how? This is supposed to be a secret to him! He isn't supposed to know about this!"

"Kiba, do not underestimate my cousin. How do you think he became a Jounin?"

"Gah! This is so aggravating!"

"Kiba, Shh! I see him! Ready for Plan A?"

"Of course!"

"Good luck, then."

Kiba nodded and looked around the building corner.

"_There he is._" He thought. He took a deep breath and walked up to Neji.

"Hey, Neji! How's it going! Haven't seen you in a while!" Kiba said.

"You mean 3 days ago?" He asked. Kiba cleared his throat.

"Well, whatever. Look, my team and I... we were thinking that... maybe it's time you let go..." Kiba said. Neji narrowed his eyes.

"Let go of what...?"

"Your hair." Kiba simply said. Neji took a step back.

"No freakin' way!" He shouted. "Do you know how long I took me to get my hair this long and lustrous?"

"Ok, first of all, it's not 'lustrous'. And second of all, it makes you look like a girl." Kiba said. Neji crossed his arms.

"Does not! You're just jealous that all you have is that short smutty hair and I don't." Neji said.

"What? Smu- You know what, Hyuuga?"

"Trying to cut my hair is useless. I know everything. I'm everywhere. Remember that." Neji said before disappearing around a corner. Kiba sighed and Hinata walked up to him.

"I'm guessing you had no use." Hinata said. Kiba nodded. Hinata growled.

"Looks like we're going to need to get 'extra help'." Hinata said.

**Later**

"No."

"Shino please!" Hinata begged.

"No."

"Oh c'mon dude! You'll be a major help to this!" Kiba said.

"No."

"Will you ever stop saying 'no'?" Kiba asked.

"Depends."

"He's good. Maybe too good." Kiba whispered to himself.

"Which is why we need your help!" Hinata said.

"No."

"Will you say an answer other than no! Please!" Kiba pleaded.

"Ok. Hell no!"

"Gah! That's not what I meant!"

"I know."

"Pleeeease! Pretty please Shino, with cherries on top?" Hinata pleaded, giving him the desperate puppy dog face.

"Hmm... no."

"Gah! You are such a jerk! What kinda teammate are you?" Kiba angrily shouted. Shino shrugged and began to walk off.

"Ohh... I see. You're just a COWARD!" Kiba shouted. Shino stopped in his tracks.

"What did you just call me?" He asked.

"Yeah you heard me! You're a coward!" Kiba said.

"Shutup!" Hinata warned Kiba.

"It's alright, Hinata! He ain't gonna do anything to me cause he a coward!" Kiba teased.

"Kiba shutup!" Hinata worridly said.

"Oh yeah! And let's not forget he's a chicken!" He continued.

"Shutup shutup!" Hinata said.

"Want some chicken feed, Mr. Chicken?" Kiba teased.

"Shutup shutup shutup!" Hinata said. She was so desperate that she was tightly holding on to Kiba's arm. Kiba laughed.

"Better watch out for Chicken Little, Shino!" Kiba teased.

"K-Kiba, h-he doesn't look t-too happy..." Hinata said.

"Oh please! He's never happy! Maybe he's afraid of being happy, too! Are ya, Shino? Are you too COWARD to be happy?" Kiba shouted. Hinata tried to drag him away but Kiba wouldn't budge. Hinata and Akamaru both whimpered.

"Hmm... maybe he's a coward _and_ a chicken because he has a girly name, ain't that right, Shino! Isn't that a girl name! Ha!"

Shino turned around and walked up to Kiba, and grabbed his collar.

"Alright, let's make this clear, because I'm saying this, and I'm only saying it once. You can call me a coward, call me a chicken, but no one, NO ONE, makes fun of my name without getting away with it. And that includes you."

Kiba gulped.

"I think I crossed the line." He whispered to Hinata.

"Like hell you crossed the line!" Shino shouted. Kiba cleared his throat.

"N-Now Shino, I thought we talked about your anger issues and to go to your happy place when you're upset, did we not?" Kiba asked. Shino set him down.

"Run." Shino said.

"What?" Kiba asked.

"Kiba you better run and you better run real fast."

"But why should I...?"

Shino took a step towards Kiba and he was sent running.

"A wise man would run, but a wiser man would stick around and die in the grasp of my hands. He was a wise man."


	2. Epic FAIL

**Hi sorry it took long to update! But here is chapter 2! This time, Hinata gets some new recruits to help her cut Neji's hair! Shwing! Enjoy...**

"So Ino, what's your plan?" Hinata asked. Ino cleared her throat.

"Well, I managed to get Shikamaru to help us. So here's what we're gonna do. First, Shika will use his Shadow Possession so Neji won't run away. Then, he will force Neji to take out a kunai and cut his own hair. How's that sound?" Ino explained. Hinata nodded.

"Perfect! What do you guys think?" Hinata asked. She looked at Tenten, Sakura, and Shino [who was tied up and gagged so he wouldn't escape].

"Fine by me!" Tenten said.

"It's great! For the first time ever, Ino Pig actually comes up with something that'll work." Sakura said. Ino growled but didn't say anything. As for Shino... he tried to crawl away but was stopped by Hinata.

"You're not going anywhere until Neji's hair is cut, got it?" Hinata said. Shino winced. "C'mon guys, time to put this plan in action!"

Sakura, Tenten and Ino cheered and followed Hinata out of the door, leaving Shino alone as he stuggled to get out of the ropes.

"Hey... what about Shino?" Tenten asked.

"He's a big boy. He can take care of himself." Hinata said.

**Plan 1... into action!**

"Are you sure you guys aren't trying to cut my hair?" Neji asked. Tenten nodded.

"Positive." She said. She looked around and muttered something under her breath.

"Now, Shikamaru!" A voice yelled. Neji turned around and saw Shikamaru about to use his technique on him. Before Neji could react, Shikamaru's shadow was attacked to his. Ino came from behind a building with a kunai in her hand and a wide smile on her face. She ran to cut and cut his hair. When she 'cut' it, a poof replaced him, and there was a log instead. Hinata came from around the same corner as Ino.

"What? How?" Hinata asked, angered. A laugh could be heard from on top the building.

"Ha ha! Idiots! You really think you're going to fool me so easily?" Neji asked He jumped down in front of them.

"Ain't no one gonna touch my hair!" He said and ran away laughing like a maniac. Hinata twitched and Ino dropped her kunai in defeat.

"It's no use. He's too good." Tenten said in defeat. Hinata shook her head.

"We can still do this! We just need to keep trying!" She said.

"Or... we need more people." Shikamaru said. Everyone turned to him as a sly smile appeared on his face.

**Two days later**

Hinata, Tenten, Ino and Sakura walked down the streets as they tried to come up with another plan. It's been just two days and they had about 6 failed plans.

"Hinata..." A voice said from behind them. Hinata and the rest turned around and saw Shibi, Shino's father, with a worried look on his face.

"Oh, hello Shibi." Hinata said.

"Have you seen Shino? He's been gone for two days..." Shibi said. Hinata and the rest of the girls' gasped.

"Oh my God, Shino! We totally forgot about him! Um, we gotta go!" Hinata said as she and the rest ran to her house, leaving Shibi perplexed.

**At Hinata's house**

Hinata opened the door sweating and panting. Tenten, Sakura and Ino also appeared, breathing the same way.

"Shino!" Hinata said. He was in the middle of the floor, still gagged and tied up. She ran to him and untied and ungagged him.

"Is... he okay, Sakura?" Hinata asked.

"I dunno cause of the damn goggles..." Sakura said.

"Mmm... Hinata...?" Shino said.

"Ah! Shino! Are you okay? Where have you been?" Hinata asked. Shino sat up.

"Where I've- I've been in here gagged and tied up for _two_ days! And you actually have the authority to ask where I've been?" Shino angrily said. Hinata blushed.

"Are you okay, at least?" Ino asked. Shino shook his head.

"I dunno man... I saw things... and I heard the voices in my head!" He said. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Make a mental note everyone: Shino's claustrophobic." Sakura said.

"We need your help." Tenten said.

"You guys still haven't cut Neji's hair?" Shino asked. The girl's sighed in defeat.

"He's better than we thought..." Hinata said. Shino sighed.

"This is so _stupid_. Let the boy keep his hair long! That way when we're all 23 and we hit puberty and he still hasn't, we can all tease him about it." Shino said.

"Hmm... good plan..." Ino said.

"Oh wait! How about we teast him about his skirt?" Tenten asked.

"You mean torture him to the brink of insanity about having extremly long hair and having the features of a cross-dresser by wearing a skirt-like thing?" Sakura asked. Everyone slowly looked at her.

"Sorry..." Sakura said as she retreated to a corner.

"Anyway, back to the main plan, which is to cut his hair!" Hinata said.


	3. Random Generic Maniac Laugh 1

**Yosh! Sorry, that's my new way of saying 'hello' or 'hey' or whatever cliché greeting you can think of. I would like to thank Midnight Singer for giving me a little toot of advice. I'm trying my best! I will try to add 60 percent MORE Neji, and 60 percent LESS Shino. So! Enjoy the plans of everyone!**

Neji cautiously looked around. Hinata wasn't there, good. Lately, everyone was trying to cut his hair. All of his supposed friends decided that he looked too girly, and had to get his hair cut. But there was no way Neji was letting go of his precious hair.

"Great. I'm pissed off. Now I can't even get a bag of groceries without having to worry about Hinata and her stupid friends cutting my hair." Neji said to himself. This was getting outta hand. And by outta hand, that means Hinata can't even let her friends in her room. If she does, he has to watch them. Some people noticed Neji's more cautious behavior and thought he was crazy. Others thought he had OCD. The only people with OCD are those who are trying to cut his hair.

"Hey Neji!" He heard a voice say. Neji quickly turned around and Tenten walking to him.

"You're not trying to cut my hair again, are you?" Neji asked as he narrowed his eyes. Tenten shook her head.

"We gave up, Neji. You're too good. That's what us Chuunin get for underestimating a Jounin like yourself." Tenten said. Neji growled. Tenten was up to something, he knew it. Everytime the girls had come up with a plan, Tenten started it off by walking over to him.

"How can I trust you?" Neji said. Tenten sighed.

"Oh brother. You're too paranoid." She said. Neji crossed his arms.

"I still can't trust you. You are not laying a finger on my hair, got it?" He said. Tenten sighed and nodded.

"You know, I wonder if you were this protective of your hair when you were a little girl-um boy." Tenten said, correcting herself.

"Don't try to hide your mistake, Tenten." Neji said.

"Dude, you should-"

"Don't call me dude."

"Fine! Bro, son... daughter, sister..." Tenten said, grumbling the last two parts.

"Tease me all you want, Tenten, it's not going to make me let my guard down." Neji proudly said. Tenten shrugged her shoulders.

"Whatever. Just trying to talk with a friend, gosh." She said before walking away. Neji looked around one more time before heading home.

**Hmm the next day**

"Naruto, you're the only one I can trust right now!" Neji said. Naruto took another bite of his ramen.

"Why say that?" He asked.

"Well... everyone is after me!" Neji said.

"Ya don't say?" Naruto said, not even paying attention to Neji.

"They're trying to cut my hair..." Neji said. Naruto chocked on a noodle. And then burst out laughing.

"You're worried because of _that_? Oh c'mon Neji, stop being such a baby!" Naruto said. "But I guess you can't help it, since your paranoia is the same as your worriment."

He laughed again as he payed for his many bowls and left Ichiraku's. Neji blinked and quickly got up.

"He just call me a freakin' Genin?" Neji angrily shouted/asked. Then he crossed his arms.

**Meanwhile**

"IHAVEAFREAKIN'AWESOMEIDEA!" Tenten happily burst out. Hinata looked at her.

"Well, what is i-" Hinata asked, but was cut off by Tenten.

"You know how I'm good at setting up traps, right?" She asked. Sakura, Ino and Hinata nodded.

"Well! Here's what we're gonna do..."

**The next day**

Neji walked through the forest with his arms crossed.

"I have to be extremely cautious about this." He said to himself. He took another step when all of a sudden a rope came out of the ground and latched onto his foot, causing him to hang from the rope upside down.  
>"Typical." He said to himself. He was about to pull out a kunai when all of a sudden Hinata came running to him with a kunai in her hand full and ready.<p>

"Now will be the time I shall cut your hair, cousin Neji!" She said. Neji's eyes widened. Could this be the end for his hair? If you answered no, then you are correct! He quickly took his kunai and cut through the rope, causing him to fall back to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Lady Hinata!" He said and flipped Hinata. She screamed and fell on her back. Hinata heavily panted as she watched Neji smile.

"Ha! Ha ha ha! Ah, ha ha ha!" He laughed. "I told you fools! You can't cut my hair! It's impossible!"

He both ran away and laughed like a maniac. Ino, Sakura, Tenten and Shino came from behind some trees.

"Damn! We were so close, too!" Ino said. Sakura helped Hinata up.

"I was right there, too!" She said.

"I told you, the voices told me this would happen. But no, no one ever listens to the one with the voices. You guys should listen to me more often." Shino said before calmly walking away, leaving everyone twitching and Tenten facepalming.

**Yayz! That was chapter 3! That random laughing like a maniac moment Neji had was dedicated to Midnight Singer, who I would like to thank again! Also, guest starring from now on will be my OC Mitorou! Say hi Mito!**

**Mitorou: Yo, nice to meet y'all. I'm Mitorou, an OC that was made for Shino. I can be found in 3 stories: Love Bugs, Love Bugs: After Years, and temporarily, The Unexpected Babysitter. You might wanna check those stories out, so nice n' sweet!**

**Me: Hm! I hope Midnight will continue reviewing and advising! No pressure, by the way Midnight! Bye!**

**Mitorou: Peace.**


	4. Shikamaru's Gone Nuts

**Me: Yosh! Welcome to chapter 4! I'm glad I have enough energy to continue, no homo.**

**Mitorou: … no homo?**

**Me: Mm-hmm! Oh sorry, I didn't tell you guys! You see, in my school, if we say something that doesn't sound right, we say 'no homo' right after it! Smart, eh?**

**Mitorou: It's retarded. **

**Me:*pouts* Hmph! You're just jealous cause your wittle boyfwiend has gone cwazy!**

**Mitorou: You're dead!**

***Random crashes and screams of pain in background***

Hinata shouted in fustration. "This is ridiculous! It's been 4 days and his hair still isn't cut!" She said.

"Hinata, calm down!" Sakura said. Hinata took a deep breath.

"Thanks, Sakura." She said. Sakura nodded. Shikamaru tore out another piece of paper and crumbled it and threw it in the overfilling mini trash can in Hinata's room. Neji and his team were out on a mission, so they had that to their advantage to come up with another plan.

"I don't think we should be working Shika so hard... I mean, Shino has those 'voices' in his head, possibly from sniffing too much coke..." Sakura said. Hinata blinked.

"Shino's a drug addict?" She asked. Sakura laughed and shook her head.

"Nah, I just like screwing with ya! But still, keep an eye on him. Just in case those 'voices' tells him to jump off a building."

"Mm... I think it's a little too late for that..." Ino said.

"Alright, enough about Shino! Our main target is Neji! Shika, anything yet?" Hinata said. Shikamaru shook his head.

"I... need another note pad..." He said, for he has he torn out all the pieces of the one he already had. Ino gave him another one.

"Whoa! World record, that's your fifth note pad... today!" Ino said. Shikamaru twitched wildly.

"I-I know. Lately all I've been having w-was c-coffee a-and ramen. I-I'm goin' crazy, man." Shikamaru twitched.

"Your dad actually let's you have that? I mean, what about the rules that-" Sakura said.

"Screw the rules! I have lung cancer! And I'm HIV positive!" Shikamaru shouted before throwing the notepad out of the window and running out of Hinata's house.

"Ok, so Neji, Shino, and Shikamaru have all gone crazy..." Hinata said.

"So that leaves Naruto, Chouji, Lee, Kiba and the male sensei's..." Sakura said.

"Oh my god. We've lead them all to the brink of insanity." Hinata gasped. "Except for Shino... I always noticed he was a bit off."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"But... we should find Kiba!" Ino said. Hinata and Sakura nodded.

**At Kiba's house**

"Is Shino out there?" Kiba asked from behind the door. Sakura groaned.

"For the last time Kiba, he's at home watching some Dora trying to get his voices out of his head, now open the damn door before I bust it down!" Sakura said.

"How do you know?" Kiba asked.

"We checked Kiba. He lost it. He's officially insane. And if you don't open this door, he won't be the only crazy one!" Ino said. Kiba slowly opened the door.

"O-Okay..."

**Me: Oh no'z! Shikamaru went crazy!**

**Mitorou: Hey... didn't a push you off the Hokage building? Shouldn't you be dead?**

**Me: Um, derpy derpy der, I'm protected by Author no justu. If I die, then you and all my other OC's will too. And anyway, I'm immortal in this story.**

**Mitorou: You're not even in it!**

**Me: That's what she said.**

**Mitorou: Who's 'she'?**

**Me: Exactly.**

**Mitorou: *Pulls out kunai* No, Mitorou. Bad thought lead the very baaad actions...**

**Me: Tee Hee! I made you rethink about pulling out your kunai, Mito.**

**Mitorou: Who the hell do you think you are, God?**

**Me: Heh heh, careful Mito, I might zap you with lightning. **


	5. Done and Done

**Me: Yosh! What goes it, everyone reading this! Oh yeah, um... I would like to say that this is a bit of a crackfic because of all the randomness that is going on. But I'm glad you all like it, te hee!**

**Mitorou: It's funny!**

**Me: See? Mitorou LOVES it! So if she loves it, then you should too! Love it now, fools! Are you loving it yet, no homo? Hm... if you aren't then... then maybe you could just join Shino in watching Dora the Explorer trying to get the voices out of your head.**

**Mitorou: What if they don't have voices in their head?**

**Me: Shutuuuup.**

**Mitorou: You're dead...**

**Me: No please!**

***Random crashes and screams of pain in background***

"You want to do WHAT with Neji?" Hinata asked Kiba.

"Hinata, shh!" Kiba said. He blushed and played with his fingers. "It's a secret."

Hinata shook her head.

"B-B-But... it's just s-so sudden... a-aren't you too young to do something so... so... so wrong and violating?" Hinata asked. Kiba blinked.

"Yeah, but it'll make me get my mind off of Shino trying to kick my ass." Kiba said.

"I dunno... I'm not sure if night time is good time..." Hinata said.

"Please Hinata! Let me do it! Nothing will go wrong, I promise!" Kiba pleaded. Hinata sighed.

"Fine! But make sure it's safe... and tell me all about it, ok?"

**That night...**

Neji was fast asleep in his bed and Kiba quietly opened his room door. He tip toed over to Neji's bed and pulled out a kunai.

"That's right little boy... sleep..." Kiba whispered. He waited until Neji's back was facing him. Kiba lightly took Neji's hair and sliced half of it off with his kunai.

**The next day**

"AHHHHHH!" A scream could be heard in Konaha.

"Neji! What's wrong?" Hinata asked. Neji twitched as he faced Hinata.

"M-M-My hair... i-it's shorter..." He said. Hinata tried to hold in her laugh.

"You think this is funny?" Neji asked.

"I think it's hilarious." A voice said. Hinata and Neji turned their head and saw Kiba and Shino walking towrds them.

"You!" Neji said, pointing to Kiba. "You did this! You cut off my hair!"

Kiba nodded with a smile on his face.

"Sure did! While you were asleep! You didn't even feel a thing!" Kiba laughed. Hinata cheered as she jumped up and down.

"Yay! Kiba, you did it!" Hinata excitedly said. Then, Sakura, Ino and Tenten came running towards them.

"His hair... it's shorter! Kiba, awesome!" Sakura said.

"Yeah, thanks!" Ino added.

"You really saved us. We've been trying to cut his hair for so long!" Tenten said. Kiba smiled proudly. Neji shouted in anger and stormed away as everyone cheered about the success of giving Neji his first hair cut.

**Me: Sorry it's so short, but I hoped you enjoyed it!**

**Mitorou: Apparently Shino has gotten rid of those voices.**

**Me: Yeah, and Shikamaru lied about his lung cancer and being HIV postive! He was just goin' crazy!**

**Mitorou: It's about freakin' time. Neji really looked like a girl with his hair as long as that.**

**Me: And now his hair is the same length as it was in Part I! Tee Hee!**

**Mitorou: Congratulations, everyone!**

**Me: Yeah, congrats! Oh, and R&R! Bye!**

**Mitorou: Later!**


End file.
